Crowned

Crowned

purple crystal circle
orb, glowing
in your left hand
offered
in a vision before dreaming

an offer of yourself
from yourself to yourself
can you really trust yourself?

once you start to doubt yourself
you can never be yourself
and once you start to change your self
can you ever be yourself?

are you the one that offers or receives?
do you create choice make or take the choice?
can you offer yourself to me?

this once never pure
light lost, distorted glass
i could see the light around me
now light in me lacklustre

bring the chaos
break the vase
pour the water over ashes
is this my fate?

will it last?
this freedom found,
is not profound
but freedom had from genesis.

good things come in threes
so won’t you break my heart in 3
I’ll pull apart my soul
for you who wish to see me whole.

Knowing

Knowing

Knowledge knowledge
I’m starving to know
Tell me what I need to know

Carnal mind
Emotional, irrational,
Human that I am

Without knowledge I am lost
But with it, thinking I am found
I lose myself once again

Popping facts like tic-tacs
sugar rushes to your head
knowledge, knowledge how do I treat you?

I want to meet you
I want to see you
But what do I know?

Mysteries flowing through my soul
Knowledge is the light
Revealing

I am flesh, and blood and bone
I came from a seed
Now fading

Maybe certain things I know
Are better left unsaid
Held only as mysterious

Tell me you know what’s best for me
Show me that you care for me
Let me know

I say I know what I should do
Yet what I claim to know
Goes against what I do

I know I must
I have to grow
Advance and learn

I know my pride has hold on me
I know I want to be set free
I know what I want for me

I know-I must
But how?
That’s what I really need to know.

Prodigal Weekend

Prodigal weekend

This upward slanting path
My feet long to follow you
Narrow, with clean edges
Blurring lines within my mind

ultimately plain
trademarked by simplicity
like a cabin in the woods
the Truth is rarely glamorous

though the son is bright
his light does not shine
illumination search, revealing
but without reflection,

each step deeper, sinking
into something
ever growing greater
in this way, the going goer slows

a landscape moving sidewalk
heightens on the mountain
this way is swift
but slow in making

the path glows
presently, but far away
distant hearts are welcome
to become present along this way

see, where you look,
so, will you be
look unto me,
if you want to live

the invitation resounds
gently breathed to be received
rest on me
while I go the against your way

this path is True
I see where it could carry me
I see the validity
But what is this I hear?

I can hear the sirens singing
their beauty, pulls a part of me
a reanimate desire,
to be part of the monster
of doctor Frankenstein

but can you dance apart from me?
Or sing without my breath?
don’t you sing against me, love
I’ve shown you what is best

three days
from the desert mountain way
three days,
in the neon city centre streets

engulfed in flame
the doctor’s monster
dancing in the darkness
then the muted sunlight rises

a moment of lucidity
a mirrored glance with open eyes
a study of the hands
and realization comes at last

this prodigal weekend fire
burns out at the daylight
the sirens fade, the monster dies
and morphs into a child
with wayward heart and resolved face
he turns to face the music

Carpe Vitae

Recently I have come to the realization that everything is a seed. We come from seeds, as does everything that exists. Every word that has been spoken to us was a seed planted in our minds. Constantly we are throwing out seeds and having seeds planted in us. However, not all seeds grow. We don’t remember everything that has been said to us, nor do the philosophies we are exposed to become our own. We are the ones that determine whether the seeds planted in us flourish or not. The way we do this is by nourishing the seed with our actions, so when we act harmoniously with the seed, it grows, develops and takes root in us.  Success then comes down to stewardship; how do we water the seeds that are going to bear the best fruit, and uproot the seeds that do not. I am embarking on a journey that aims to challenge myself into making the most of everything that I have.

“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God” (1 Corinthians 4:1)

“What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?” (1 Corinthians 4:7)

We often talk about stewardship of the wealth that we have. How can it be best invested? But I have never heard anyone talk about making the most of the other things we have received, of being a good steward of life itself. 1 Cor 4:7 resonates with me deeply, because my life has been abundantly blessed. Growing up in the United States, being raised in a great neighborhood attending an excellent school. Being born in an era where I have access to a plethora of information at my very fingertips. And the question that arises from these abundant blessings is: what have I invested these blessings in? When I look at my life it seems that all that I have been given has simply been sitting inside me, laying dormant, longing to be used, longing to be shared. If you don’t activate and use what you have, it makes no difference that you have it, other than feeding your ego with your qualifications.

“The one who does not read has no advantage over the one who cannot”

The contrast between those who have always lived in excess and those who have lived in lack has always fascinated me. It seems that once we get to a place where we have more than what we can use, we begin to lose our appreciation for what we have. I think there is a profound connection between gratitude and good stewardship, if you have so much you cannot fully appreciate what you have, you’re less likely to make the most of what you have. The key here would be to live minimalistically, taking only what you need so that you can use all that you have while also practicing gratitude for what you have.

Our lives are full and rich beyond measure, but how well do we appreciate that fact? Just the fact that you are reading this is a testimony to the fact that you are immensely blessed. I’m going to focus on four main categories of stewardship: resources, relationship, and skill/ability.

Resources include money, time, knowledge, truth.

Relationships including God, strangers and ourselves

Skill and ability especially our passions and our talents

 

To get where I want to be, I need to create disciplines that help me to make the most of what is available to me, slowly implementing these things into my life. By creating habits, we are creating our future selves. Over the next five months, I want to establish habits that help me steward the things that are most important. This is how I will learn to live.

My strategy is to keep try to holistically become a good steward of all that I have over the next four months while creating specific challenges that encourage good habits to form.

Stretching our Skins

Our habits and abilities shape who we are. To grow is to develop new habits and abilities which shape us into something with new capabilities. To do this we must step into areas outside our comfort zones as complete beginners.  Though these times almost always come with growing pains, the progression of self makes it worthwhile.

For the last three months, I’ve had my head in the Bible, reading through all 66 books, and intensively studying a portion of those books. I’ve never dedicated myself so fully to something until this course. I gave up nearly all leisure time, and focused on the Word of God all day, 6 days a week. My life outside of this was reduced to the essentials, eating, sleeping and taking a day of rest once a week.nawkmlp3tvs-samantha-sophia2

While this may sound extreme, I’m so grateful to have spent time laying this foundation of Truth in my life, and contributed to ending Bible poverty among the church. Some nights I simply wanted to blow off my responsibilities and simply give up. But each time I realized something new about God, or about myself, or humanity or any mind-blowing truth I felt the joy that only comes from the simultaneous experience of refreshment.

What struck me is the simplicity of it all. The truth is not something so complex that we must work and strive and reason to achieve. It’s something we can choose to accept and embrace. It’s not something that is so lofty that we can never see it, it exists in our reality and all who search for it with all they have find it. Truth is in each one of us, and it is all around us, it’s up to us to open our eyes and see clearly.

Through this challenging experience, I’ve can see so much more deeply into the character of God. He is not someone who is distant or petty, vindictive or spiteful. He is the uncreated creator, who has always been, and created us to be with him. The deepest desire in the heart of God is love, pure and holy, relentless and scandalous love. His every action towards us comes from a place of desire for us to know him. He never tries to confuse us and never acts maliciously towards us. He just wants, in full, he wants us as we are because he sees the full potential we have, to become like him.

This leads me into what I’m doing next. I’ve been doing all this practical spiritual education through an organization called Youth With a Mission. They focus on sending missionary team out to disciple nations while simultaneously disciplining the people who volunteer to do missions work. This is what I believe God is calling me into next, this time as student and a leader. I’ll be doing classes starting January 5th, where I’ll be learning how to do practical things like manage finances and other life skills, alongside disciplining a group of students. Helping them grow closer to God and leading a team of students on a missionary outreach to an unknown country. While I anticipate this to be a challenging 18 months, I have confidence that God will be stretching me into the person I am growing into.

To do this I need about 5000 Australian dollars within the next month. I must purchase a visa and health insurance and pay school fees to cover room and board. This may sound like a lot, but I know that it’s nothing to God, who is over everything. I have faith that God is calling me into this, and will make a way for it to come to be. If you would like to partner with me in this next season, I would love to talk with you, and if you’re curious about any of these things, feel free to ask me anything!

If you’d like to support me you can do so here, https://secure.goywam.com/, donations are tax deductible. Or if you want to donate directly to me you can here, these are also tax deductible. https://www.gofundme.com/basic-leadership-school

Grace & Peace

Where Am I

 

Many of you know that I’ve recently returned to Australia, this time to the Sunshine State. Last time I was here, I was doing a Discipleship Training School with an organisation called YWAM, where I learned much about the Character of God.

But I’ve decided I need to go deeper. During my last visit, Shane Hobbes gave a lecture on the Living Word of God. He challenged us to prove what we believe, and I realised almost everything I thought I knew about God was second-hand information, taught by parents, pastors, and teachers, so I decided to find out for myself who God says he is.

Currently, I’m enrolled in a Bible Core Course in Brisbane.  In this course we get to read every book of the Bible, and study selected books using the Inductive Study method, which applies historical context, cross referencing, colour-coding in order to get a true and deep understanding of what the Bible actually meant to the original time and what it means today.

Though this involves a lot of time consuming and intense studying, it is worth it in order to learn know more of who God actually is. I’ll be posting once per week updating all of you who are interested in what God is doing down under.